By DAVID CHAPEK/Staff Writer
Every year, thousands of children in East Texas grow up in abusive homes. When Jeremy Flowers was a kid, his home wasn’t out of the ordinary or strange – it was just “normal.”
Only after Flowers began working as director of marketing and public relations at the East Texas Crisis Center in Tyler did he come to “the harsh realization that I grew up in an abusive home. I knew it was dysfunctional, but I never would have called it abusive.”
Samantha Kauffman, ETCC’s clinical services coordinator, also understands what it is like to be around abuse.
“I’ve had … a lot of loved ones that have experienced (abuse), whether it’s psychological abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse,” Kauffman says.
Kauffman believes she was destined to help women who face abuse.
“I think there was sort of a personal pull because of what I’ve witnessed and that … subconsciously, at first, drew me here, and then I was like, OK, this is where I want to stay,” she says.
Flowers says he too had a reason to stay.
“I wanted to do something to break the cycle.”
THE CYCLE
Domestic abuse is “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner,” according to the U.S. Department of Justice.
Once abuse starts, it often continues because the victim depends on the abuser, financially, emotionally, or in some other way.
When one generation is abused, the behavior often turns into a cycle, says Flowers, who has worked in this field for 18 years.
“Oftentimes children who grow up witnessing abuse, in particular boys who witness abuse, are more prone to be perpetrators, and women who witness abuse, girls who witness abuse, are more prone to become victims, because then it normalizes the abuse,” he says.
Abuse can continue from generation to generation.
“It becomes their ‘normal’ and so they don’t know any other thing,” Flowers says. “So, what happens is we see, you know, sometimes we see grandma, child, and grandchild all, you know, enter into abusive situations, because that’s the cycle.”
PROVIDING HELP
The East Texas Crisis Center, founded in 1978, is a non-profit that provides a “safe haven for those impacted by family violence, dating violence, sexual assault and violent crime,” according to its website.
When a victim arrives, the first step, says Flowers, is assessing her needs.
“How much danger are they in? If they’re in immediate danger, then we’ll try to connect them to our emergency shelter, so they can be safe in a safe environment,” Flowers says.
Some have different needs.
“If they’re not in immediate danger, we’ll ask them what they need to be supported best, because we seek to take a trauma-informed, survivor-centered approach in the services that we provide, which means empowering survivors to make their own choices and their own decisions,” Flowers says.
The center has a shelter that houses up to 60 women and children, programs to watch children while their moms are at work, counselors and advocates.
“We have advocates that work with the survivors to find a job or housing, whatever they may need,” Flowers says. “They’ll provide court accompaniment if they (clients) have to go to court and see their abuser.”
Advocates help women find affordable housing to escape abuse.
“So, you know, we’ll work with rental properties, apartment complexes to try to get them into certain places,” Flowers says. “If we can provide first month’s rent, utility deposits, we’ll do that as well.”
Flowers says the center hopes within three to five years to have transitional housing for clients.
Victims also have emotional needs.
“We set goals at the beginning (of counseling), and those can change over time,” Kauffman says. “A lot of things that we check in for are nightmares, hypervigilance, dissociation, and if all of that seems to be (getting) better.”
Counseling can take a long time.
“With complex trauma or people that have had abuse over many, many years, maybe they have a lot of childhood abuse as well, that can take a lot longer,” Kauffman points out. “Some of our clients are here for five sessions, some of our clients are here for 50.”
ETCC’s work also involves public outreach, education and awareness.
“What I’ve worked the most on is raising awareness and public education,” Flowers says. “Just getting the word out that, you know, we exist, that our services are free and confidential, that there is support for survivors, they’re not alone.”
Community support sends a message to survivors and abusers.
“We as a community can say that if someone does experience domestic violence or sexual assault, we’re going to support you, we’re going to believe you, and we’re also going to work to hold the perpetrator accountable,” Flowers says. “We’re going to hopefully foster a community that says this isn’t going to happen here, we don’t stand for this, we’re not going to tolerate this.”
CONTINUING THE FIGHT
Not every abuse victim’s story is a success story. Some eventually return to their former lives and abuse.
Kauffman says victims deserve better but only make changes when they are ready to move on.
Regardless of the outcome, Flowers says the center treats each client with empathy and compassion and continues to give the “support they need to not go back to the abuser.”
Flowers believes attitudes about domestic violence are changing.
“I don’t believe violence is inevitable,” he says. “I believe that we can live in a violence-free society when it comes to domestic violence and sexual assault. I don’t believe those things are not preventable.
“I believe we can live in a society free of violence.”
Be the first to comment